i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
