There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
