Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
