yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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