i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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