I wish I could teleport
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
