halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
