Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You ruined the universe
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
