the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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