What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The uberlube is also flammable
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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