chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
