We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
