Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
