somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
