Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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