my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
