Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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