just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
