I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
