I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
