I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
