Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
