The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
