its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
