P.S. I can't hear my feet
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
