Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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