so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
