Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and she was petting her beer can
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
