I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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