i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
