the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
