i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how do flat chested girls get laid?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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