Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
too bad you live with your parents still
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
