That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
