Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
