You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
