So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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