she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
