You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
