She's JV to your varsity
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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