you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
