If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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