im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
