I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
