i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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