i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
