just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
