dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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