I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
