just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
