in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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