I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
