I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
