Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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