Already got asked if we're dating
What a fucking waste of an outfit
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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