I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
