No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
