Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
