Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
