Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
