I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
