I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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