yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
